Consider yourself lucky to enjoy this piece of history – the original nominee list from the 1995 awards.
S.O.P.W.A.M.T.O.S.
SOCIETY OF PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY MAKE THEIR OWN SHIT
SELF-APPOINTED BENEVOLENT CO-DICTATORS FOR LIFE:
MARK NORSTAD PARAGON MACHINE
BRUCE GORDON BRUCE GORDON CYCLES
1995 Awards:
-
Product Longevity Award
- Campagnolo – WINNER
- Phil Wood
- Bob Jackson
-
Best Nude Photo of an Industry Leader
- Hank Djernis
- Pippin Osborne – WINNER
- Ibis Slaves for ’93 Xmas Card
-
Best Use of Indentured Servitude Award
- Ibis Cycles Foreign Employment Division
- Chinese Bicycle Industry – WINNER
-
The Best American Bicycle Line Meticulously Designed in CA & Made in Taiwan
- Schwinn
- Breezer – WINNER
- Marin
- Bianchi
-
Best of Show Award – ???
-
Most Likely to Buy Dinner Tonight Award
- Andrew Maliszewski
- Andy Maliszewski – ANCO TECH – WINNER
- Mr. Maliszewski
- Bernie Mikkelson
-
We Heart Dealers Award
- Paragon Machine
- Axis Machine
- Salsa Cycles
- Ibis Cycles
- Albert Eisentraut – WINNER
- Bruce Gordon Cycles
-
Least Likely to Buy Dinner Tonight Award
- Scott Nicol
- Gary Fisher – WINNER
- Jeff McWhinney
-
Smoke & Mirrors Award (Cannondale was the hands down winner because of their unridable, never produced prototypes – Vaporware)
- Cannondale – WINNER
- Cannondale – WINNER
- Cannondale – WINNER
- Cannondale – WINNER
-
BHS Posterboy Award ( Big Head Syndrome)
- Alex Pong
- Richard Schwinn
- Bontrager
- Gary Klein
- Entire Membership of SOPWAMTOS – WINNER
-
Best Non-Framebuilder Framebuilder Award
- Gary Fisher – WINNER
- Dean
- Greg Lemond
- Dan Falvey
- Mc Mahon
-
I Invented the Mountain Bike Award
- Joe Breeze
- Gary Fisher
- Tom Richie
- Mike Sinyard
- Carter Cox
- Ignaz Schwinn – WINNER
- Second place to rest (piece of Toidy)
-
Darth Vader Intergalactic Domination Award
- Archibald Cox Jr.
- Shimano
- Bill Gates
- Trek – WINNER
- Darth Vader
-
Rambo Award
- John King
- Tim McVeigh
- Sly Stalone & Bridget Nielsen
- Gary Klein – WINNER
-
LAD-LAM (Lawyer Aided Design – Lawyer Aided Manufacturing) Award
- Way too much Brass
- Four Picky Grandmothers
- WTB – WINNER
-
Most likely to be ignored because you’re from the East Coast Award
- Ted Wojcik
- Richard Sachs
- Mike Augsburger – WINNER
-
Rental Car Abuse Award
- Bill Groff
- OJ Simpson
- Chuck Ibis
- Ron Andrews – WINNER (Ron rolled a rented Cadillac in Crested Butte – got another car because he bought the insurance)
-
Person you’d least like to be seated next to on a Transatlantic Flight Award
- Sky Yaeger
- Ross Shafer
- Bernie Mikkleson – WINNER
- Gary Helfrich
- Richard Schwinn
-
Excellence in Arrogance Award
- Bontrager – WINNER
- Ross Shafer
- Tom Richie
-
Lifesaver Award (For Saving Mr. Tom Richie after he tried to eat a tree)
- Cast of ER
- Cast of Chicago Hope
- Gary Helfrich – WINNER
-
Excellence in Hair Style (Heights in Hair)
- Ron Andrews
- Bob Flick
- Mark Norstad
- Missy Giove – WINNER
-
Body Mutilation Award (Tattoos and Piercings)
- Zap – WINNER
- Missy
- Albert Eisentraut
- Dave (Bomber Cycles) Blakeney
- Cast of Once were Warriors
- Chuck Eldridge
- Tom Richie
-
Least likely to give Bruce Gordon a Comp Subscription Award (They refused to give BG a comp subscription at the time- but now they do)
- Velo News
- Velo News
- Velo News – WINNER
-
Least likely to be bought by TREK Award
- Axis Machine – WINNER
- Salsa
- BGC
- Albert
- Lightspeed
- GM
- Microsoft
-
Award for Truth in Bike Magazines
- NO Winner
-
Greatest Distortion of Truth Award
- Newt
- Bible
- National Enquirer
- Challenge Publications MTN BIKE ACTION – WINNER
-
Deserting the Sinking Ship Award
- Ben Nighthorse Campbell
- Chris Chance – WINNER
-
What A Guy Award
- Guy Lombardo
- Guy Fawkes
- Otis Guy – WINNER
- Guy Noir
-
Bad Ad Award
- McCaw
- Halson – WINNER
- Bianchi
- Lightspeed
-
Conflict of Interest Award
- Ted Costantino
- Chuck Ibis
- Leonard Zinn – WINNER
- Richard Cunningham
-
Robert Vesco Ethics Award
- Marion Barry
- Bob Buckley Marin Mtn Bikes
- Pat Clark – Clark Kent – WINNER
-
Heavy Metal Award
- Salsa Cycles
- Worksman CO-WINNER
- Wald CO-WINNER
- Metallica
- Catapillar Co.
-
Free Beer Award (Lifetime Achievement)
- Dirt Ragz
- Bike
- J & B Imports – WINNER
-
Free Legal Drug Award
- United Bike Parts – WINNER
-
Bite The Bullet Award
- Sandvick – WINNER
- Lone Ranger
- Coors Light
-
Excellence in Bad Taste Award
- SOPWAMTOS
- Old Kute – Dirt Ragz
- Patrick O’Grady – WINNER
-
SOPWAMTOS Wanna Be Award (TINY TOIDY)
- Jeff Dinsis General Kinetics – WINNER
-
Why make something when you can have Somebody else make it Award
- Onza
- Specialized – WINNER
- Rivendell
- Nike
-
Doesn’t Work & Play Well with Others Award
- Ross Shafer
- Bruce Gordon
- Shimano – WINNER
NOTES OF INTEREST:
SOPWAMTOS being an environmentally conscious group wants it to be known that the Golden Toiddy Awards were made of 100% USED toilet seats lovingly collected at the Sonoma County Recycling Center by David di Falco General Manager of Bruce Gordon Cycles.
NO TREES lost their lives for our awards.
