Consider yourself lucky to enjoy this piece of history – the original nominee list from the 1996 awards.
S.O.P.W.A.M.T.O.S.
SOCIETY OF PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY MAKE THEIR OWN SHIT
SELF-APPOINTED BENEVOLENT CO-DICTATORS FOR LIFE:
MARK NORSTAD PARAGON MACHINE
BRUCE GORDON BRUCE GORDON CYCLES
1996 Awards:
-
Major Nerd Award
- Maynerd Hershon – WINNER
-
Award For Not Having A Stupid Concept Bike
- Cannondale – WINNER
-
Ugly Garage – Dumb Ad Award
- Bontrager – WINNER
-
Mine’s Bigger Than Yours Award (Biggest Booth In Show)
- GT – WINNER
- TREK – WINNER
- BONTRAGER – WINNER
- KLEIN – WINNER
- LEMOND – WINNER
- FISHER – WINNER
- SPECIALIZED – WINNER
-
Stupidest Job Tittle
- Missy Giove – PUBLIC RELATIONS
- Gary Fisher – DESIGNER
- Scott Montgomery – VP LISTENING – WINNER
-
Greatness is in the Eye of the Beholder Award
- Gary Fisher
- Keith Bontrager – WINNER
-
Most Revenue Generating Personality Award
- Chuck Ibis – WINNER
- Gary Helfrich
- Leonard Zinn
SOPWAMTOS SALUTES THE OLYMPICS
-
Slowest Ride – Fastest Bike
- GT – WINNER
-
Lowest Return on Investment
- Tinker Juarez – WINNER
- GT
-
Best Move to Ward Off Sponsorship
- Rebecca Twigg – WINNER
- SOPWAMTOS
-
Fastest Woman Award
- Cher
- Madonna
- Curly – WINNER
- Paula
-
I CAN’T BELIEVE HE SAID THIS Award
- Gary Fisher – Quote from the Interwebz – WINNER
- ZAP
-
Bad Attitude Award
- S&M Cycles
- Bob Seals
- Sky Yaeger – WINNER
-
Lemming Award – We Got to Have A BMX Line Award
- TREK
- SPEC.
- EVERYBODY WITH A NEW BMX LINE – WINNER
-
Most Promising Newcomer
- Bomber Dave – WINNER
- S&M Cycles
-
Having His Material of Choice in His Name
- STEELMAN – WINNER
- Carbon Craig
-
Essence of SOPWAMTOS (LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT)
- Ed Litton – WINNER
-
Person You’d Least Like to be Hugged By
- Steve Potts – WINNER
- Charlie Cunningham
- Patrick Seidler
-
Truth & Rudeness Award
- Bruce Gordon
- S&M Cycles – WINNER
- Bob Seals
-
Andy Award
- Muzzy
- Capp
- Rooney
- Pandy
- Warhol
- Malecesczski – WINNER
-
Bruce Gordon Lookalike Award
- Joe Bell – WINNER
- Alan Fine
- BigFoot
-
Award for Promoting Cycling as Transportation
- Ted Kaczynski – WINNER
- John Forester
-
Doesn’t Work and Play Well With Others Award
- Albert Eisentraut
- Shimano – WINNER
- Bruce Gordon
-
Tight Ass Award (For Being Too Cheap to Spend $427 to be in Our Booth)
- Wes Williams
- Chris Paretich
- Albert Eisentraut – WINNER
-
SOPWAMTOS Hospitality Award
- Scabies Motel – WINNER
-
Shut Up Already on the Internet Award
- Gare Helfrich
- Jobst Brandt – WINNER
- Sheldon (I GOT TOO MANY NAMES) Brown
-
One Person Group Award
- INTERSKILL – WINNER
- Cofferin Group
- Austin Group (SP)
- Vosper Group
- Limeport Marketing Group
-
Best Refrigerator Magnet in the Industry Award
- Rivendell – WINNER
-
Epic Marketing Award
- VW/TREK
- Epic Team – WINNER
-
What Ever Happened to Award
- Jimmy Hoffa
- Beville Hogg
- Chuck McCullagh
- DB Cooper
- Amelia Earhart
- Pat Clark – WINNER
-
Most Published Photos With Tongue Hanging Out Award
- Otis Nixon
- Lassie
- Ross Shafer – WINNER
-
Wouldn’t You Like to Have A Dog in Your Pants Award
- Bill Groff
- Al Kreitler – WINNER
-
Nicest American Bike Line Meticulously Designed In California and Built In Taiwan Award
- HAT TRICK – Joe Breeze – WINNER
-
Homer Simpson Lookalike Award
- Homer Simpson
- John Uhte – WINNER
- Mark Norstad
-
Best Performance by A Zipper in an Olympic Event Award
- Rebecca Twigg
- Marty Nostein
- Paula Pezzo’s Skin Suit – WINNER
NOTES OF INTEREST:
SOPWAMTOS being an environmentally conscious group wants it to be known that the Golden Toiddy Awards were made of 100% USED toilet seats lovingly collected at the Sonoma County Recycling Center by David di Falco General Manager of Bruce Gordon Cycles.
NO TREES lost their lives for our awards.
